I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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