I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
