I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
