I need help removing her.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
