I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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