I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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