I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
