Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
