so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
