In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
