Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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