So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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