im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
