There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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