Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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