Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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