I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
