Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
