I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
