whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
