And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
