dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
