I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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