What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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