Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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