WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
