Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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