i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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