Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
