If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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