let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
