i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You just made me feel so damn special
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
