My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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