cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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