And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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