Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Randomize
