We're facebook friends in real life
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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