Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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