I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
