How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
