Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
