I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
