i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
