You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
