Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
