How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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