Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
