Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
