the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
