I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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