JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
