yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
