He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
